Are you thinking about getting a divorce while pregnant?
Getting a divorce during pregnancy has can throw a wrench into your plans.
Some states won’t even allow you to get a divorce while pregnant.
So, if you want to know what to expect with a divorce during pregnancy, let’s dig in.
State Laws for Getting a Divorce During Pregnancy
As you can imagine, filing for a divorce with kids can get messy quick.
The first thing that you want to do is check your state’s divorce while pregnant laws.
The main states that do not allow you to divorce during pregnancy are Arizona, Arkansas, Missouri, and Texas.
If you live in these states, the divorce cannot be finalized until the child is born.
Meaning, you can still proceed with the divorce while pregnant, but you cannot finalize the divorce.
So, continue to meet with your divorce lawyer and plan things out like normal. And just schedule the divorce to be finalized after the child is born.
But if you’re getting a divorce while pregnant in other states, you should be fine to proceed with going through a divorce while pregnant.
The whole reason that some states don’t allow you to get a divorce while pregnant is because they want to make sure that the settlement agreement and child custody agreements are created properly.
Find Supportive Friends When Getting Divorced While Pregnant
Getting divorced while pregnant is not easy.
It is critical that you find supportive friends and family if you are even considering getting a divorce while pregnant.
You’ll want someone to help you during this phase. You have doctors appointments, baby showers, things to buy and set up, maternity leave to handle, and day care to juggle after the separation.
If you don’t have friends or family who are supportive, find a therapist that you can talk to. If you’re not comfortable seeking out therapy, maybe find a digital pen pal on any of the Facebook Mommy Groups that is going through something similar.
Couples Counseling For Getting a Divorce While Pregnant
Before you shut this idea down 100%, be open minded.
Even if you and your spouse are confident about filing for divorce while pregnant, couples counseling can help you two sort out and talk through any issues you’re having.
Whether you’re married or not, you’re going to be in a relationship with your spouse as a parent to the child.
It’s a good idea to go ahead and work towards resolving issues you both may have to make the relationship more easy-going after the divorce.
And even if you don’t want to personally do it, consider whether not it will be beneficial to your kiddo.
As someone who grew up in a divorced household, the chaos surrounding the whole thing would have made growing up easier and filled with less resent.
Successful co-parenting requires you to put your own anger toward each other aside, and therapy can help you achieve this in a healthy way.
Find A Good Divorce Lawyer
You need to find a divorce lawyer who has experience with handling divorce during pregnancy.
This means don’t hire Aunt Sally’s neighbor’s dad who happens to be an attorney. It might be cheaper, but it can lead to disaster.
Think about losing custody battles, visitation rights, child support, etc.
You want a custody lawyer who can go to bat for you.
This is solid advice whether you’re getting a divorce while pregnant by someone else, your husband is leaving you while pregnant, or you are considering divorcing husband while pregnant.
But it’s not for the women only. If your wife wants a divorce, this is equally as important.
No matter what the situation is, set any embarrassment you may have aside and consult the best divorce attorney.
A reputable and highly rated divorce lawyer will be on your side and represent you without judgment.
A good divorce attorney can help you understand your local divorce while pregnant laws.
And if they are REALLY good, they will handle everything for you, which means less stress and time involved on your end.
Accept Help For Once, Geez
If you’re an independent person who feels bad when people help you, get over it.
You need help and you deserve help if you’re going through divorce while pregnant.
And, better yet, people WANT to help. They care about you, so let them.
Whether they cook for you, clean, help with your other children, or even listen to you vent, their support can be just what you need to get through this emotionally draining experience of going through a divorce while pregnant.
Accepting help from loved ones is not a sign of weakness.
It is in both your and your unborn baby’s best interest to accept a helping hand as you get your life back together.
And don’t be shy about asking for help after the little kiddo arrives.
For real, as long as you aren’t abusing the help that you are getting, then people will be happy to help when they can.
Just make sure that you don’t guilt anyone who can’t help.
Allowing them to be vulnerable and say no when you ask will make them happy to offer help when you come around asking for it.
But if you guilt trip them and don’t ever show appreciation, then they are going to start resenting you.
If you want to show appreciation, do small acts of kindness for them like cooking them a meal, buying them a small gift card, or anything else. It’s going to make a huge difference, trust me.
Create A Co-Parenting Plan
No matter what you and your spouse feel like while getting a divorce while pregnant, it’s important to set your feelings aside for your child.
BOTH of you should be involved in raising the child. (That is if BOTH of you want to be involved.)
Personally, my dad wasn’t involved, and I think my life turned out easier since my mom didn’t force him to be involved when he didn’t want to be.
But if both of you want to be involved, sit down together, and create a shared parenting plan that works for both of you.
Try to figure out how to have an amicable divorce, and co-parenting plan, for the kiddos.
And remember to be flexible and fair to each other to avoid resentment.
The most important factor to keep in mind is what is best for your child.
If you and your partner are having trouble creating a schedule that works, consider meeting with a family therapist or parenting consultant for help.
And obviously, if there are concerns—such as an abusive spouse—custody and visitation should be adjusted accordingly.